What you shouldn’t be bringing into it is all the past disappointments;
let weakness occupy its proper space without it first disguising itself
as a recalcitrant bully of circumstance.
One dark year may come to mind,
when you felt and feared that you were
at some sort of disadvantage.
How the situation never really played out in your favor,
or so it felt,
though you didn’t exactly know then, nor do you know now,
how it could have played out in your favor,
and what you even wanted out of it.
But the inability to rearrange things shrunk and then annihilated
your freedom of agency, while the attachments
held their ground.
To have been there,
without the option to request a dime,
to have come out short without knowing how,
deposited a heavy dust over your shining mental surfaces.
The trouble seems to have generated out of your own choice
to entertain that which you had already judged
to be unyielding.
To have accepted your choice of what you were doing as if
it was made by another,
and to have been gripped by where this choice had placed you in such a way
and to such an extent
that you could no longer have the choice to pull yourself out.
Now, if you’re lucky,
you’ll find and see and nourish yourself
with the beauty and newness it blossoms.
You will go wandering out about town and inside your mind,
leaving footprints on snow as on dust,
seeking answers that will maybe shed light
to what the questions must have once been.